Christopher B. Landon. This is a guy
who I have really not been too kind to since 2014, and rightfully so. When I
first did a string of horror reviews back that year, I talked about his
directing and writing with the film “Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones,” and
how it had poor characters, lousy scares, and really bad humor. The following
year, just after Halloween when I wrapped up my horror reviews, he gave us
“Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse.” Not only was that film worse than “The
Marked Ones,” but it was the absolute worst zombie and horror comedy I had ever
seen, and I stand by that to this day. And had I not seen “Jem and the
Holograms” that same week, it would have been the worst film of that year by a
landslide.
So
yeah, I don’t like this guy’s work, and so far he’s been becoming one of my
least favorite directors. With the recent release of his newest film from
Blumhouse, “Happy Death Day,” I thought to myself two things: “This is
basically just “Groundhog Day” meets “Scream”,” and “This looks like it’s going
to be much of the same shit he’s given to us again. However, unlike his
previous two films, the script this time was written by Scott Lobdell, most
noted for writing “X-Men” and “Alpha Fight” comics, and Landon hasn’t shown any
sign of his writing appearing in the script. However, with the direction, he
makes it known plain and simple, this is another Landon flick.
“Happy
Death Day” tells of Theresa Gelbman, a sorority cunt who is being hunted by a
mysterious killer that wears the mask of her college’s mascot. However, after
the murder, she suddenly reawakens as if the day was put on reset. With an
infinite amount of lives to use, Theresa tries to figure out the mystery of her
murder, and try to keep alive until the next day.
Some
people have established that the film wasn’t properly marketed, and that this
is more of a comedy than horror film, but that doesn’t change the fact that it
really doesn’t work. It’s not as bad as “Paranormal 5” or “Scouts Guide,” but
it still has that essence of annoyance that Landon’s known for. For starters,
the first act of this film perfectly establishes that just about every
character in this movie is an awful person. Not even five minutes into the
movie, and we’ve already got lines of guys asking bros if they got pussy, the
head of sorority saying shit like “by-ee” and “bi-atch,” keeping some stupid
health code standard like they’re that highly religious dietary mother down the
street, our main chick having rumors about how she cheats on other people’s boyfriends
and dumps her dad on plans, treats her roommate like shit, and is still a
horrible person despite the repeating of one day…you see where I’m going with
this?
Okay,
so maybe the characters aren’t written very well, but what about the actors
working with this material? Almost all of the m are terrible. The only good
actor I found in the movie was Jessica Rothe as Theresa. While I hated how she
was written, she does manage to get me to feel something for her when the
script calls for it. The moments of her realizing that she can’t keep doing
this forever and how she needs to stop hiding, you do end up feeling some
empathy for her as she tries to struggle through this. And I will admit, she
did have the funniest line in the movie. Other than that, it isn’t enough to
save this movie, as just about everyone else is terrible, even Matthew Modine’s
daughter, Ruby.
Alright,
but let’s not forget, this is a slasher film, so the kills should be enjoyable,
right? It’s a PG-13 horror movie, what do you think? The kills are not only
tame, but they’re severely boring. Even when it goes into that montage of her
trying to figure out her suspects, it gets to be so formulaic, that it just
feels repetitive. It’s a film about a girl who re-lives the same day over and over
again, so she doesn’t have as much to worry about, as she can just restart over
again. There no tension or satisfaction to be had with the kills, and there’s
not much likability with the characters, so what’s the point? Hell, this whole
thing could have been solved in the span of two or three kills. Just confront
the killer, remove their mask before they kill you, and you got it.
Also,
let me just state that this film has one of the DUMBEST endings to a horror
film that I have EVER seen. First off, the film ends THREE times! The first
time is when it feels like she got the killer, only to have died in her sleep.
Then she gets the REAL killer, only for her to wake up again in the dorm room,
because the love interest was being a douche…and THEN it ends. But what really
cements this is a horrible ending, is the reveal with the true killer of the
film. Not only is it incredibly stupid and obvious as hell, but the way that
Theresa finds out about the killer and how they present it to you, is something
out of a middle schooler’s “Scooby Doo” fan fiction. You think I’m kidding, but
I’m not. Comedy or not, that’s something you do with a Saturday morning
cartoon, not a slasher film released in theatres! Maybe Netflix would be more
fitting, since they have such a hard on for meta-humor as of late, but come on!
Overall,
“Happy Death Day” is just another stupid piece of crap film that Christopher
Landon shoveled into theatres for Halloween again. Aside from Jessica Rothe
trying her best to make this work, and you can tell she’s trying, the rest of
the film just makes it unbearable to sit through. I got bored, I was annoyed,
and I came out unsatisfied. You’re better off staying home and binge watching
any other 80’s slasher holiday film.
Rating: 2/10
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