Today, we’ll be talking about a
remake of a Joel Schumacher horror film that starred Kiefer
Sutherland, “Flatliners.” Now, I’ve never seen the original “Flatliners,” so I
have no perception of how that film is, and I’m only going to be judging this
remake on its own. And Yes, I said remake, not a sequel like they’re trying to
cover up.
“Flatliners” tells of a group of
medical students, doing an experiment called “flatlining,” where they’re
brought back after their heart stops for a minute or so. However, after they
each go through with the process, something spoopy this way comes.
So far from what I’ve seen, nobody
online seems to like this movie at all. And after seeing it for myself, I
completely understand why. “Flatliners” is one of the dullest, cheapest, and
most unnecessary remakes I have ever seen. And considering this was from the
director of the original Swedish version of “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo,”
that’s really sad. For one, this film doesn’t feel like a movie; it feels more
like a “Flatliners” tv show on Fox…IN 2003!! Seriously, they have literal
scenes where you can tell it was rushed through production, especially with
Kiefer Sutherland’s scenes. By the way, he’s not reprising this character from
the first movie, these people lied to you. And a lot of the cinematography and
production value looks so basic that it feels like the film ITSELF was made by
college students, but even they would put more effort than this tripe.
This brings us into the writing,
which is some of the stalest and broken dialogue that I have ever heard. Granted,
I like the concept, and I do think there could have been some good potential
with it. Make it seem like what the trailers were advertising, making flatlining
a drug to them, and soon start going crazy, which gets Kiefer Sutherland
involved to connect both movies…but we don’t get that. Instead, we get scenes
that have dialogue such as “Why didn't you tell me there was a downside to
flatlining?” Maybe it’s because it’s called DYING, you stupid jackass!
Seriously, this was a script by Ben Ripley, who gave us “Source Code,” which
was brilliant…what…what happened here? Did they just use the first draft as the
main script? How desperate was Sony to shovel this out to theaters?
Okay, how are the performances?
Everyone looks so bored to be there, with the exception of Ellen Page who seems
to be doing her best to carry this train wreck. She does have the best
development and motivation for the experiment, she’s confident with proving her
discoveries true, and she does have some genuine laughs as well. It’s just a
shame they kill her off halfway through…no bullshit here, people. And after
Page is axed off, we’re left with Diego Luna and Nina Dobrev to try and find
something else worth of a story for the rest of the film. The only problem, is
that neither of them have interesting enough story to them, nor are they even
giving a shit about what kind of performance they give. Same for everyone else,
even Kiefer Sutherland who looks like he really wanted to go home in his scenes.
Now with this being a horror film,
or attempting to be one, how’s the direction? Uninspired. The jump scares in
this film are so by the numbers and formulaic that it’s not surprising when
they actually do pop up. There’s a scene in a boat home where one of the
characters is haunted by his past, and just he comes to, behind him is a
super-imposed image of what’s haunting him. How is that scary?! The editing
also feels very unorganized, because there’s a moment where that same guy is
stabbed in the hand on the docks, and then it cuts to him with the others with
a bandage on his hand. What?! Did the editor himself put this together
flatlining, because it looks like it!
Now, here’s where I’m going to talk about
the biggest complaint I have with this film, and it contains spoilers, so be
warned:
So
the trailers allude to some entity haunting the characters and kill them one by
one right? Well, it turns out it’s brain hallucinations, that tap into what you’re
the most guilty of in life, and the only way to get rid of them is to beg them
for forgiveness…and they’re never consistent on if they’re real or not…okay,
was this in the original film? Because if it was, then it’s at fault for that,
but…WHAT?! What world…?! Reality…?! Drugs…?! What was this supposed to signify?!
Okay, I’m wrapping up. Overall, “Flatliners”
is not only a horrible remake, but it’s a horrible remake that COULD have been
excellent. It had a great director, a talented writer, and a strong powerful
lead, that could have made this film work. And when you make a worse film than
Joel Schumacher, that’s not dignifying. Aside from the first act and Ellen Page
trying her best to carry it with little screen time she has, it just completely
flatlines on the audience; pun intended. And I’m not the only one; as I’m
writing this, Rotten Tomatoes has a 3% approval rating, based on 37 reviews, a
lower score than “The Emoji Movie.” Yikes. Is it the worst film of the year for
me? No. I’ve seen far worse this year alone…doesn’t excuse that this film is
shit though.
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