During
the late 60’s and early 70’s, there were plenty of films that were in the
Grindhouse style. Grindhouse films were the type of theaters, mostly drive-ins,
which would show midnight viewings of exploitation films, which are some of the
low class Z-Grade films that would focus heavily on violence and sex; they
would even include some fake trailers for some obscure movies, but I believe
they were only for double features. After that time period, no one had ever
made a film that was similar to its very charm and style. That is until 2007,
when good friends Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino brought us the movie
“Grindhouse,” the first double feature of two films released together that
WASN’T just for drive-in movies. The two films were “Planet Terror,” a zombie
apocalypse film that featured a lot of action and a chick with a gun for a leg;
and “Death Proof,” a slasher film about a stunt-driver that kills people. These
two were accompanied with tones of fake trailers from fellow collaborators such
as Edgar Wright with “Don’t,” Rob Zombie with “Werewolf Women of the SS,” Eli
Roth with “Thanksgiving,” Jason Eisner with “Hobo with a Shotgun,” and even
Rodriguez contributed as well with “Machete.” Rumors of these trailers turning
into actual movies were spreading like wildfire, but so far the only two to get
them were “Hobo with a Shotgun,” and the other was “Machete.”
“Machete”
stars Danny Trejo as the title character, who is a Mexican federal, who seeks
revenge on the corrupt drug lord, Rogelio Torrez, after killing his wife and
daughter. During this time, he’s also in a constant battle with the troubles of
being an immigrant, as he’s been hunted by redneck Americans, lead by Senator
John McLaughlin, played by Robert De Niro. It’s stupid, campy, has tones of
gore…but it was enjoyable. Compared to the other Grindhouse films that came out
three years prior, this one doesn’t have the same charm as “Planet Terror” or
“Death Proof.” For one, the film it was shot on looked too clean, where as the
other two films were shot on actual film, very dusty with grains and looked
like it was missing a few reels for it. There was also a heavy usage of
practical effects as well as having the distinct tone that it felt like it was
the 70’s. “Machete” on the other hand, looked like it was shot digitally and
used way too much CGI. It felt more like a parody on Grindhouse films than it
did BE a Grindhouse film. I mean, this film has special effects master TOM
SAVINI in the film, and all he did was act in it?! Robert, you have one of the
kings of practical effects in the palm of your hand, and you brush him aside
for CGI?! Are you high?! Though I will admit it had its highlights, such as
Danny Trejo and Robert De Niro as opposites of each other, as well as some
pretty good performances from Michelle Rodriguez, Lindsay Lohan, and
(surprisingly) Jessica Alba. It was fun to watch, but it wasn’t anything
special.
It was
then we are given the sequel, “Machete Kills.” This was the first of the two
sequels to be part of the “Machete Trilogy,” even though there weren’t that
many people who were screaming for more Machete. So, how WAS this newest
installment? Pretty much like how “Kick-Ass 2” turned out to be, only a bit
worse. Now don’t get me wrong, I did like this movie, but just barely.
After
an illegal exchange has been stopped, Mexican federalists intervene, leaving
Machete to get arrested and his partner to die. It’s only then that he’s called
by the President to go and stop Marcos Mendez, the one holding the detonator,
only to be caught up in the plan by the true mastermind, Luther Voz, played by
Mel Gibson. It’s stupid, but unlike “Kick-Ass 2,” it’s intentionally stupid in
every aspect. That’s not to say that it’s without its flaws, and boy does this
have a lot.
Most of
the complaints I had with the first movie are present in this film as well,
with the format it was filmed on, the feel of it in modern day, and too much
CGI. And trust me, they used WAY too much in this film than they did in the
first film. They even have Savini return, only to get killed by shitty CGI. I
get it that it’s supposed to be really bad, but if you’re going to make a
Grindhouse flick, USE PRACTICAL EFFECTS! Hell, “Drive Angry 3D” felt more like
a Grindhouse flick, and that had a bigger budget!
However,
that was only the tip of the iceberg, as there were many moments that just made
it really stupid, even for a film like this. For starters, the pacing of the
film starts to drastically change as it goes on, really making it unbalanced,
as well as adding in characters that go absolutely no where. For example we
have “The Chameleon,” played by a variety of actors, who is a bounty hunter
with hardly any back story or motivation. It doesn’t even have that much to the
story, only to drag it out further and waste time. This wouldn’t be so bad, if
the character wasn’t built up as this big important plot-point, which they even
hinted at in the fake trailer for “Machete Kills Again.” But no, this character
is just there, because the script says so; unless it builds up something big
for her part in the sequel, then this character is just POINTLESS.
There was also an enormous amount
of pointless moments in this film that felt tacked on. For example, the lead up
to get to Mendez was only there just to give Sofia Vergera a reason to go after
Machete in a ridiculous manner. Not only that, but the weapons that Vergera
uses to go after Machete really shove in your face that “oh hey, Sofia
Vergera’s a whore, so let’s give her kinky weapons,” and one of which is just a
recycled weapon from “From Dusk Till Dawn.” Not only that, but Vergera also has
Alexa Vega as one of her disciples, which does raise questions of continuity.
Think about it; Machete is the same character Danny Trejo plays in the Spy Kids
universe, and Alexa Vega plays his niece in that franchise, but here she’s a
different character; and Antonio Banderas plays one of the Chameleon’s
different faces, as well as the dad in the Spy Kids films. So is this or is it
not the same universe? EXPLAIN ROBERT!
Also, the fake trailer for the
third film was put before AND after the movie, meaning when it got to Mel
Gibson finally entering into the film, I caught every single point that would
pass on into the next film, so what was the point? If you want to show a fake
Grindhouse trailer for your movie, MAKE A FAKE TRAILER FOR A FILM YOU’RE NOT
MAKING!! That’s why the fake trailers between the “Grindhouse” double-feature
were so awesome, because they were films that weren’t even considered for
producing. I mean, I could make a fake trailer with a mere paycheck and a
couple of friends if I could. Or better yet, DON’T PUT THE FAKE TRAILER IN
FRONT OF THE MOVIE, IF YOU’RE GOING TO PUT IT AT THE END ANYWAY!!!
Now you’re probably thinking that I
really hated this film, but I did say before I liked it, but only by an inch.
Trejo still gives off a badass performance, and the action scenes he takes part
in are enjoyable to watch, even if it is CGI. Carlos Estavez as the President
is also funny, even if his screen time is short; which by the way, Carlos
Estavez is Charlie Sheen’s real name, for those who don’t know. Mel Gibson as
Voz does a pretty good job in this role, like he’s just soaking in every moment
of it with each passing second, and his Star Wars obsession stands as a pretty
funny gag. Michelle Rodriguez is still awesome in the film, returning as
Machete’s old friend and local Latina badass. I do wish there was more of her
in the film, as she only enters in at the third act, but she’s still looking
like she’s having fun with this role, growing as one of my favorite actresses.
Overall, while “Machete Kills” can
be enjoyable if looked at in the right direction, it is a pretty big mess, even
for a Grindhouse flick. It is still fun, just not AS fun as it could have been.
I think it would be better if we got more Grindhouse films that felt more like
Grindhouse films. I’m still waiting for when “Thanksgiving” will be fully done,
and a few other ideas that could work if done right.
Rating: 5/10
