You would think that after “The
Twilight Saga” ended, vampires would finally be given some dignity
again...sadly that's not the case here. The thing is, like most
successful films and franchises, there's always a film, from an
opposing studio, that is made in response to it all, as a means to
cash in on the bandwagon. “Twilight” is an example of such
cash-ins, and as a result we have been given bad film after bad film,
which leads us to today's topic, “Vampire Academy.”
In this film, we are introduced to
Lisa, the princess of a tribe of vampires, and her guardian, Rose.
They escaped the academy of vampires, because there were people out
to kill them, but are soon brought back by force. And from that point
on, they deal with training, magic, gossip, pranks, and other
bullshit like that.
The best way I can describe this film
is this: imagine the characters from “Mean Girls” put into the
world of “Harry Potter,” in the style of “Buffy: the Vampire
Slayer,” only done in the poorest way possible. This is not only one of the worst vampire films I have seen, but it is also one of the
worst movies I have ever seen. The acting is awful, the direction is
pathetic, the pacing ranges from too fast to slow as molasses, and
the writing is nothing but unoriginal ideas made into schlock. I
haven't read the books this film is supposedly based on, but I doubt
if it would help.
As a supposed comedy, there wasn't
anything funny about this film. The jokes they throw at the audience
are either too juvenile or too tasteless, and some try to make fun of
how this isn't “Twilight.” Not to mention, the pacing in this
film is what also kills the film greatly. For a film called “Vampire
Academy,” we don't know that much about the academy, except for
exposition. That's all that the film is, just exposition, until it
reaches the mid-point, where we have absolutely NOTHING going on!
The characters in this film, who are
extremely stock and pointless, are not worth watching. We have the
typical best friend who is important to everyone, the mentor that the
main character falls for, the dorky friend, the bully, and the nice
guy who gets friendzoned after helping the protagonist greatly. It's
all cliche, and most of the cast does them poorly, with the exception
of Gabriel Byrne as the villain. However, what kills this film
completely is the main character, Rose Hathaway. She is just an
annoying piece of shit, who I wanted to punch in the face every time
she talked. Not once in this movie, does she accomplish at saving anyone, without the help of someone else, and she never develops as
a character. I don't blame Zooey Deutch though, because I know she's a good actress; it's just that the character was poorly written.
The film was directed by Mark Waters,
and written by Daniel Waters, two talents that I know have shown us
how good they can be with films. I would put the blame on Daniel,
since he wrote the script, but it could be Mark's direction at
adapting it that failed, considering the fact that Mark hasn't
directed a good film since “Mean Girls,” and that his style
doesn't seem to fit the material. This idea of a school for vampires
could have worked out great, if it had been executed better. Maybe if
they had gotten somebody like Tim Burton or Wes Craven, somebody who
knows how to handle ideas like these, then it could have been a whole
lot better. But as it is, it's not worth it at fucking all.
There was speculation with the studio
that there was going to be a sequel, but thanks to this film bombing
to where it didn't even make HALF of it's $30 million budget AND being
panned by critics to where it's at a 9% on Rotten Tomatoes, there's
no chance of a sequel. Not even a fundraiser campaign could warrant
this film a sequel, since they only made less than a fifth of its
goal.
Overall, “Vampire Academy” is
nothing but a dud of a film. And...*sigh*...you know what? Don't just
take my word for it. Go to channelawesome.com, and watch the
Blockbuster Buster's review of this film. He goes into a much more
detail on this one, and it's a review that I highly recommend for
others.
Rating: 1/10
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