The Belko Experiment

            With the success of “Guardians of the Galaxy,” James Gunn has become a bigger name in Hollywood for people to follow. Of course, he’s been on the scene for a while, writing for films like the “Dawn of the Dead” remake, the video game “Lollipop Chainsaw,” and his most famous horror film, “Slither,” which he also directed. That being said, not all of his scripts usually get the best treatment if they don’t have the right director. Remember the live-action “Scooby-Doo” movies? He wrote them, but they were directed by Raja Gosnell, and they sucked. And the same can be said for his new horror film from the recently revived Orion Pictures, “The Belko Experiment,” a film from Greg McLean, the director of “Wolf Creek”…be very afraid.

            On a day that seemed like no other, 80 employees of Belko Industries’ Columbian location are all suddenly locked inside the building. On the intercoms, they are told that they have a limited amount of time to kill each other or everyone will die.

            With a premise like that, the film has been called by numerous people as a film with a great pitch. I mean, office employees killing each other until one is left standing? Sounds like an entertaining time. Even the tagline describes the film as a mix between “Battle Royale” meets “Office Space,” the latter of which has John C. McGinley, who is also in this film. It should seem like a fun time, right? Well, it would be if there was actually some merit to this movie. “The Belko Experiment” is nothing but a boring and tasteless piece of trash with violence that has no substance of value behind it. I get it that this film is a Z Grade horror film, but that’s no excuse for it to be this lackluster.

You remember when I was talking about “The Green Inferno” and how I hated the characters because they weren’t developed enough for me to care about what happens to them? The same thing applies with every film that Greg McLean has directed, including this one. Actually, I take that back; it’s not the same thing…IT’S WORSE. At least with Eli Roth movies, the kills are at least creative and have good practical effects, and the acting is fine from…at least, two actors. Here, the kills are absolutely lazy and have nothing new to show us. Even when you look at the effects of the kills, they aren’t much better than what you’d possibly see in a direct-to-video “HellRaiser” sequel. And the kills, whether it’d be from the protagonists or antagonists, there’s no satisfaction from them, because they aren’t characters. They’re just C-Grade performances of archetypes that could have had a complete cast of extras, and it wouldn’t have made a difference…actually I think the extras would have tried harder than anyone else in this film. It’s sad, because this has a great C-list cast who I know can do good: John Gallager Jr, Tony Goldwyn, John C. McGinley, Michael Rooker, Sean Gunn, Melonie Diaz, etc. I’ve seen them all do really well in other things, but I guess when you have a shit director who isn’t going to try, I can see why they wouldn’t give a fuck either.

Aside from the weak characters and kills, the film is just boring. This film doesn’t invest you in its world, because we see so very little of it up until the end, but even then it has nothing of value to it, other than try to sequel bait us. I’m not going to spoil the ending, but all I’m going to say about it is that it makes the film a rip-off of “Cabin in the Woods.” If you’ve seen this movie (if you have, I know your pain), then you know exactly what I mean when I say it does.

            Unless you’re a sadist, keep as far away from “The Belko Experiment” as you can. Without any characters to relate to or even find somewhat likable, and uninspired violence, there’s nothing of real value to be had with this movie, just like “Wolf Creek.” Granted, it’s not as offensive as “Wolf Creek,” but that’s not saying much.

Rating: 1/10