Blizzard
Entertainment’s “Warcraft” is regarded as the most recognizable MMORPG franchise
of all time. Throughout the years, the series has attracted all kinds of
demographics, gaining new players with each passing day. While I never really
played any of the games myself, and since many other MMOs have come about with
significant improvements over it, you can’t deny the kind of impact that
“W.O.W.” has had on the public.
With
how big and luscious the world of “Warcraft” was, you could imagine that
Hollywood wanted to make a big budget blockbuster series out of the games. And,
to be fair, it makes sense, especially with the kind of lore within the games,
as well as the popularity of “The Lord of the Rings” franchise being so well
known. In the mid-2000’s, Uwe Boll, the talentless hack known for making
terrible adaptations of video games and being a thin-skinned, whiney little
bitch, had approached Blizzard about helming the whole thing. Blizzard, like
any sane person would, told Boll (in a nice way) to go fuck himself, and
addressed that if a film was going to be made, it would be by their doing. The “Warcraft”
film had been in development hell for a good decade, and it wasn’t until 2014,
when they finally assembled the team, that principle photography finally begun.
The film was set to arrive last Christmas, but due to “Star Wars: The Force
Awakens,” the film was pushed to the following June.
So
with all of the hype that’s been building for this film over the past decade,
was it worth the wait? Well…no…in fact, this film was a fucking chore to sit
through, and after watching “Gods of Egypt” and “Zoolander 2,” that’s saying a
lot. And I know a lot of you are going to say that I’m being biased for not
playing the games, but let me explain something. Film adaptations of an
existing source material have to find a proper balance between satisfying the
people who know the source material and those who are going into it as a film.
I’m looking at this from the latter prospective, and from where I see it, this
film doesn’t work.
What’s
the story? Boy is THAT the million dollar question of the day! Why? Because the
film’s direction is so damn atrocious, I could hardly tell what was going on
throughout this entire mess. The film has no proper way of explaining what the
main goal is, and it assumes that everyone in its audience has played the games
already. Sure, fans might be able to catch on, but I’m guaranteeing the rest of
the people who go in wanting an epic fantasy film with orcs and knights are
going to be deeply confused. Hell, even when the film throws exposition dumps
in…well, almost every scene, I still felt confused on what the hell’s going on.
The pacing doesn’t help either. Within the first half-hour of this film, we
were jumping to at least fifteen different locations, giving us no time to soak
up any kind of atmosphere or get a sense of where we are in the story. With how
badly the film was flowing, I couldn’t tell which point of the film it was
supposed to be at. At least with “Gods of Egypt,” I could still tell if we were in
the second or third act! And by the time we DO know
what’s going on, it’s already too late to even give a shit about any of these
characters.
Speaking
of characters, even if the pacing wasn’t complete shit, the cast doesn’t help
improve that in the slightest. Almost everybody in this film feels like they’re
sleepwalking through these performances. Hell, I could barely remember ANY of
these characters’ names. The only characters I actually cared about were the
main orc and his wife. Toby Kebbell and Anna Galvin actually felt like they
were trying to make this work, and it actually made their story arc have some
kind of depth to it. I mean, the story of a couple going to war, while caring
for their child at the same time, is very touching and is easily the best part
of the movie, and the only thing that has any merit to it. However, it doesn’t
make up for the rest of the film, and after the two of them are killed off,
there’s nothing else to really give a shit about in this movie. The main
knight? Forgettable. The king, played by Dominic Cooper? Don’t care. The young
magician? Annoying. The half-human half orc hybrid? Doesn’t make a lick of
difference.
This
brings us to the special effects in this film, which are terrible. Just about
everything in this film feels like bad CGI, and it’s really noticeable. Sure,
there one or two moments that look neat, but much of what else you see in this
film is so cartoonish looking, that whenever you actually see human characters
pop up, it gets distracting. The worst part about it, were the effects on Paula
Patton, where her character is half a live action human, and the other half a
CGI orc, but the result is completely awful. I mean, what the actual fuck?!
Instead of doing a simple make-up effect for this character, you decided to
lazily coat her in CGI, thus wasting more money?! I mean, come on, at least the
Marvel Cinematic Universe got this right with their characters!
And
this brings me to the worst part about this movie: IT. IS. BORING. Seriously,
this is one of the most boring and uninteresting blockbusters that I’ve ever
sat through. Sure, I may not have fallen asleep at it, like I did with
“Jurassic World,” but I really wish I did. Hell, not even the action scenes
were that investing, especially in a film that has one-on-one orc fisticuffs! How
do you make that dull?! I mean, say what you will about “Batman V Superman,” at
least that film had SOME entertainment in it!
Overall,
“Warcraft” is not only another bad video game movie, but it’s easily the worst
film that I’ve seen so far this year. Its characters are practically lifeless,
the story is puzzling to follow, and it’s simply dull to watch. If you’re a fan
of the games, you might find some things to enjoy more than I did. Aside from that,
I can’t recommend this movie to anybody else.
Rating: 1/10
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