Let me ask you guys something...these recent live-action re-visions Disney’s been doing with their classics…are they really necessary? Not at all. They haven’t really added anything new, other than answering people’s fantasy ideas as to what popular actor looks like in a Disney film, and each film they attempted at remaking in live-action has always turned out like crap. “101 Dalmatians,” “Alice in Wonderland,” and now we have upcoming remakes of “The Jungle Book” and “Cinderella” on their way next year! However, that torment will have to wait, as “Sleeping Beauty” is taking its turn at a remake, this time told through the perspective of Maleficent…since the film is called “Maleficent.”
In this
retelling of “Sleeping Beauty,” we see the origins of Maleficent, once being a
fairy that guarded the sacred land from humans. After an encounter with a young
boy, she soon warms up to him, only to be betrayed by him years later, so he
could rule over the kingdom. When he has his daughter, Aurora, Maleficent
places a curse on her so she’ll prick her finger on a spinning wheel, unless
awakened by true love’s kiss. As Aurora gets older, Maleficent starts to warm
up to her as time goes on, regretting the curse.
Just going to cut to the chase
here, this film was bad; I mean, really, really bad. In my mind, this is quite
honestly, the most over-hyped pile of trash I’ve seen PERIOD. When
you have the potential for a film to be amazing and you turn it into a flawed
mess that would make “Prometheus” gasp in awe, you’ve got a real big problem
here! I’m still surprised I was able to sit through this without considering
walking out half-way through.
Now
much like my “Endless Love” review, I’m just going to cut to the chase and get
down to the three biggest reasons why this film is absolutely awful:
#3: Hardly any character development – The characters
established in this film aren’t developed, except for being archetypes of
characters. And I know, the original film didn’t have much development either,
but this film is said to be an “adult” take on the classic. All this film did
with these characters was either make them stupid, pointless, or complete
assholes.
In terms of the stupid aspect, we have the three fairies
that take care of Aurora. Not only are they so goddamn incompetent, but they
just keep getting more and more annoying by the minute. In the original film,
yeah they were bumbling, but they at least knew what they were doing. To see
three enjoyable characters made unbearable is just sad to watch.
In the pointless category, we have Prince Phillip, who is so
underused in the film, that it’s only just a cameo. I know it’s not centered on
Aurora, but still there has to be something more than just, “oh hey, I’m the
prince from the story, bye.” All I was asking throughout the film was ‘why is
he here?’ every time he was onscreen.
And in terms of asshole characters, we have Aurora’s father,
King Stefan. All I need to say is he’s the reason Maleficent is evil. Yeah, I’m
not kidding. He steals her wings, because he wanted to be the heir to the king,
who is ALSO an asshole. Even when he becomes paranoid over his daughter, I didn’t
feel sympathy, because it was his entire fault! Even the fairies are kind of
dicks to Maleficent. They establish that Maleficent was sort of a guardian of
their land, yet when she’s flightless, they suddenly don’t like her? What the
hell is wrong with you people?!
The only development we get is from Maleficent herself, but
we’ll get to that when we get to that. That’s a big problem to have an
underdeveloped Maleficent, in a film CALLED “MALEFICENT!!” Not only that, but
Angelina Jolie’s performance was just not investing in the slightest. I’ll give
credits that she looks the part and is trying her best, but her performance in
this film is just so bland and unappealing, just as much as every other actor
in the film.
#2: Subplots not
brought up, or making no damn sense – There are dozens of things that the film
decides to bring up, but it either doesn’t go anywhere, or is resolved through
something completely irrelevant.
For example, how did Stefan become an orphan? Was that his
motivation to becoming heir? If so, how’d he even get as far as to be a servant
at the castle to hear about the reward?
Or how about this one: why did the fairies tell Aurora that
her father was dead? And when she goes to the castle,
how does she even know the guards will let her in, since they wouldn’t even
know what she looks like to begin with? She could have been a spy or something.
Why does Maleficent watch over Aurora, even when she knows
the curse will happen? And with the fairies being so incompetent, why would she
have bothered to take care of her for them? If she did start to warm up to her,
why didn’t she just take her away completely? And if the curse was irreversible,
why didn’t she just put her in a sleep like trance until the time had passed?
Or better yet, why didn’t the king send guards after Maleficent when she first
arrived to put the curse on her anyway?
Why is iron the weakness of fairies? In the original film,
the sword defeated Maleficent, because it was enchanted by the three fairies
that assist Phillip. If iron was all that was needed, then why the hell didn’t
they just guard the castle with…you know, GUARDS WITH IRON, than just an easy
to slip by iron thorn fence? This film would have been done sooner a good half
hour earlier, in what’s already an hour and a half movie.
#1: The film trying to be “Wicked” – For those who don’t
know, “Wicked” is a Broadway show, based on a novel, which is a prequel to “The
Wizard of Oz,” only it’s the story of the witches, Glinda and Elphaba. It shows
how Elphaba became the Wicked Witch of the West, and just how close she and
Glinda were before that day came. It’s one of those stories that allows you to
think sympathetic of villains you grew up with. Why does this bother me? Well,
that’s all because THIS ISN’T FUCKING “WICKED!!!!!!” If you wanted to make a “Wicked”
film, that’s fine, but make fucking “Wicked!” Trying to make a film similar to
that, only with Maleficent doesn’t work, because you’re doing a
sloppy revision of “Sleeping Beauty” with less of a point to it! Maleficent
is the embodiment of evil, showing she has power over others that no one could
possibly match. She’s one of Disney’s greatest villains for a reason; and to
see this film not only dwarf her abilities and make her the good guy…that’s
unacceptable. This is the same reason why "Texas Chainsaw 3D" was so insulting, because they turned an iconic villain into a misunderstood being. IT DOESN'T WORK!
Also I
have to point out this…“Maleficent” was written by Linda Woolverton, the same writer
of “Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland,” which was the first film Joe Roth
produced for Disney (he also produced this film as well). And after seeing this
film, I owe Tim Burton an apology, because “Alice in Wonderland” wasn’t
entirely his fault. No one could have made that script work, unless there was a
major re-write. Same goes for this movie, but “Alice in Wonderland” turned out
to be a much more faithful revision of a Disney classic than this! Even though
many of the characters were changed up drastically, it at least acknowledged
that this was Alice’s story, and that this was a completely different take. It
didn’t make us see the Queen of Hearts in her childhood having a hatred for the
White Queen and Mad Hatter, or anything stupid like that.
This
makes me sad, because Woolverton USED to be a magnificent writer for Disney.
Hell, she wrote the screenplay for “Beauty and the Beast,” and even helped develop
the screenplay for “Aladdin,” “Mulan,” and “The Lion King.” What happened to
her? Maybe if Joe Roth had hired someone else to come in and edit the script a
bit, like John Lee Hancock, it could have been a great film. But no…we’re left
with this horse shit.
If you
want a classic Disney film made more adult, just go watch “Snow White & the
Huntsman” or “Sleepy Hallow.” Those two films are more worth your time, and are
much better movies to begin with. Surprisingly enough, both those films are NOT
done by Disney, which should be a sign about these films.
Overall,
“Maleficent” flat out KILLED my love for a timeless villain, and was just flat
out unbearable to watch. I honestly thought I was watching a Michael Bay film,
where the visuals are the frosting over a crappy tasting cake. The performances
are either underwhelming, or flat out annoying; the script is atrocious; the direction
misses the mark; and it’s another example of a remake done horribly, HORRIBLY wrong.
And it is by far…the worst film Disney has ever given out! It even stands as
the worst film I’ve seen this year; and I sat through “Endless Love!”
In the words of the late, great, Roger Ebert:
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Rating: 1/10
P.S. No, I’m not interested in “Cinderella” coming out next
year. Even if it has Kenneth Branagh directing, I know it’s going to suck.
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