Mirror Mirror

I'm not going to lie to you people, but I HATE...Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. I just don't seem to find that much appeal in it. I mean, granted it was a Grimm's Fairy Tale, and it was the first film to make Disney as popular as it is today, but there's just something about it that just makes me bored and want to puke. Certain adaptions of it have made it to audiences, one of them coming out at the start of June, starring Kristen Stewart from those horendous Twilight movies, and even parodies of the story have been shown from time to time by most TV shows, like The Simpsons. On another point, I hate generic kids movies. By that, I mean the films that talk down to their audiences and treat them like idiots. Those films, I just hate with a fiery passion. So what happens when you put Snow White and a generic kids movie together? You get one of the two Snow White films of this year, "Mirror Mirror."

It shows itself as the basic tale of Snow White, but obviously different. It's Snow White's 18th birthday, and soon sees what troulbe her step-mother, the queen, has caused to the villagers. Soon, when a prince named Alcott arrives in the kingdom, the queen plans to marry him, but his heart is set upon Snow White. But when the queen sends her off to be killed by her servent, Brighton, and not the Huntsman, Snow White must stop the queen with the help of the seven dwarves. Seems simple enough, with a few minor changes, but it still doesn't change the fact that it's really stupid. Maybe it's my dislike for the whole Snow White thing in general, but I think it's for my hatred for generic kids movies. Was it as bad as I expected it to be? Well, not as much, but that's like saying getting punched in the gut is better than getting stabbed in the eye.

The characters in this movie are either average or below. Snow White played by Lily Collins, daughter of the musician Phil Collins, gave an okay performance. She does try to give a character to Snow White, and even tries her best to get along with the dwarves. But there's only one thing I remember about her...BUSHY EYEBROWS! What is with the bushy eyebrows?! Seriously, you could trim those off and pass them off as cats! Prince Alcott played by Armie Hammer, was a pretty interesting character, but sadly it's ruined for when he's used for comedic value. It not only feels out of place, but it makes the jokes just the more boring. Julia Roberts as the queen, I absolutely HATED in this movie. Not only was she boring, but just SO CLICHED. It's the same performance, for the same character, with nothing new to the table, other than it's Julia Roberts! I don't even think she's that good of an actress to begin with. I mean, she was fine in "My Best Friend's Wedding" and the "Ocean's Eleven Trilogy" with George Clooney, but other than that, she's got nothing else to bring to the table. Also, Sean Bean, who played Boromir in "Lord of the Rings" and Alec Trevelyan in "007 Goldeneye," appears in the movie as the King, was just a throw-away character, and had pretty much nothing to do.

However, I'll admit a few things about some of the characters. Brighton was a pretty funny character, but I guess that's because he's played by Nathan Lane, who's always an enjoyment to watch. He delivered a good performance, despite the lousy script he's working with, and even makes some of his lines pretty funny. But none the less, Nathan Lane was the highlight of the film. I wished the whole movie was just centered around him instead. I'll admit, I enjoyed the seven dwarves too, since they all had pretty good characters. I had expected them to just be rejects of some of the worst comedians out there, but surprisingly I found some likablity in them. Their attempts at stealing are really intersting too, and I did enjoy when they robbed Nathan Lane at one point. What also surprised me about this movie, was that Discord from "My Little Pony Friendship is Magic" makes a cameo in the movie, and that left me with an expression that read "Whaaaaaaaaaaat????"

Now the action scenes in the movie weren't much to expect. I honestly thought the action scenes in the Scooby-Doo movie were better than that, but it at least tried to keep me entertained. One of them involved Snow White getting spanked while she's dualing with the prince. You know, for kids? But what really bugged me was that the film wasn't that funny. I mean, despite a few scenes with either Nathan Lane or the dwarves, it just wasn't that good of a comedy, mostly due to the fact that it's a generic kids film. So what else is there that's fairly decent about this movie? Well, the makeup and most of the costumes were pretty good. Unlike the 2011 abomination that was "Red Riding Hood", "Mirrior Mirror" actually has the villagers look like they're in Medieval times. Even some of the language they speak does fit in with the timeline they live in...well, MOST of the time.

Overall, "Mirror Mirror" is just a generically bad kids film, that's something you're going to forget easily, and just make you want to go see a different movie. If you really want to see it, I'd suggest waiting for Redbox or Netflix. It's not worth it to see in theaters at all.

Rating: 2/5
4/10