The Lion King (2019)

The Lion King (2019) is the newest remake from Disney, this time directed by Jon Favreau, and stars Donald Glover, JD McCrary, Chiwitel Ejiofor, Seth Rogen, Billy Eichner, Beyonce Knowles-Carter, Shahadi Wright Joseph, Alfre Woodward, and James Earl Jones as Mufasa, the only actor from the original cast to reprise his role. If you haven’t heard the story, Simba is the cub prince of Pride Rock, destined to follow in his father’s footsteps. However, after his involvement in a stampede causes the death of his father, the Pride Lands are left under the reign of Simba’s uncle, Scar, while he tries to contemplate with his actions.

The year 1994 is often pointed as one of the definitive years for movies, and The Lion King (1994) is one of their examples. Being developed by Disney’s B-team at the time while the A-team worked on Pocohontas (1995), this film skyrocketed to becoming the highest grossing traditionally animated film, along with the highest selling film on VHS. A whole generation of audiences fell in love with the bright animation, the charming voice acting, the catchy soundtrack by Elton John and Tim Rice, and also a decent introduction into Shakespeare, since the film is both a modern day Hamlet and americanized Kimba the White Lion. 

After the success of The Jungle Book (2016), with its excellent use of photorealistic CGI for the animals and forest, Disney was open to letting Jon Favreau helm a remake of The Lion King. This got me scared, because the previous two films that Disney remade from their Renaissance era, Beauty & the Beast (2017) and Aladdin (2019), were complete duds; they tried to change up some elements to feel more modern, but then take out elements that obviously made the character who he or she really was, in order to seem more perfect to these Disney lemmings. Granted, The Lion King isn’t even my favorite of the D.R, but that doesn’t mean there’s something to live up to.

Prejudice aside, I went and saw the film kept an open mind, thinking maybe there could be something that will make me want to go back again to give a second look. I will admit first hand, the CGI is a vast improvement over The Jungle Book, completely fooling me that we’re watching real animals on screen. While at first I had some problems with the designs and color palet, it didn’t take long to adjust to who was who and the world they inhabit. The Pride Lands are perfectly realized, and had I not been told this was The Lion King, I would have sworn it was a Disneynature documentary that they do every Earth Day.

However, great technical advancements don’t quite excuse the rest of this movie being a bit of a show-off piece. While I congratulate them for making the lions and hyenas looking as realistic as possible, you also run the same problem The Jungle Book had with these animals showing emotion, without a human character to work off of. They look so stoic, and especially with Mufasa’s death scene, I could care less about how that was executed; Simba’s cries just don’t quite match the character’s onscreen emotions. For a remake of a less than 90 minute movie, the padding out to two hours is definitely noticeable; the padding put in says that they really wanted to impress you with how realistic everything looks, but they didn’t bother to think whether or not it would be serviceable to the story. They bring up this whole escape mission scene for Nala, Simba going after a beetle, a few of the song numbers have extended instrumentals, and even some jokes from side characters that aren’t that funny. It just makes the film feel padded out and boring.

The music is fine as is. Nearly all of Hans Zimmer’s score is reused for this film, with some slight re-orchestrations, and he’s always been a composer to always deliver. However, the musical performances felt pretty underwhelming; as much as I respect them getting the original singers for “Circle of Life” to come back, it has been twenty-five years, so they can’t bring as much booming triumph as they used to. And aside from “Just Can’t Wait to be King” and maybe “Hakuna Matata,” much like Aladdin (2019), some of the songs just feel like they’re put there to pass the time, and not making me feel into the moment; for example, “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” is performed in broad daylight...where’s the love, if there is no damn night?! The worst offender to me, was “Be Prepared,” which is such a great number from the animated film, and easily Scar’s best scene; and yet it’s cut down to a two minute sing-talk chant...would have liked a little more than two minutes. Hell, they extended and PROMOTED “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” and that’s not even an Elton John song to begin with!

While it was nice to hear James Earl Jones return as Mufasa, it did become distracting when he’s contrasting with the rest of the new cast members, with the exception of Alfre Woodward as Sarabi (taking over for Madge Sinclair who passed away in 1995). Donald Glover and JD McCrary are good as young and older Simba; they both capture that playful attitude he’s known for, how carefree he can get, and also the unpreparedness that comes with life. Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen do fine as Timon and Pumba, and have their usual meta-humor schtick every so often. John Oliver was also delightful, in his usual John Oliver fashion; honestly, I think he has more fun with the role than Rowan Atkinson.

However, not every cast member was perfect, specifically with Beyonce as Nala; as great of a singer as she may be, she’s a terrible actress and was completely miscast. In my opinion, she should have been played by Zoe Saldana or even Cynthia Erivo, at least for Nala’s acting. Half the time when Beyonce’s singing, she can’t help but show off with high notes and tends to go out of character when delivering her lines. In her argument with Simba, Nala’s supposed to be crushed and furious about how cowardly he’s become, yet Beyonce makes her sound irritated like a lunch with a friend was ruined. And that song she included into the movie, that nearly cut “Be Prepared” out of the movie, just felt completely out of touch with the rest of the numbers in the movie.

This brings me to Chiwatel Ejiofor as Scar. When I first heard the announcement he would take the role Jeremy Irons played, I was sold; Ejiofor is a fantastic performer and knows how to really get into a role with enjoyment. Unfortunately, I was disappointed with how Scar’s personality is toned down to where you hardly even notice them; he acts more like a grumpy cat, and just comes off as bossy. While I get how Ejiofor wanted to make him more menacing and empathetic, he just sort of becomes another Sher’ Khan from The Jungle Book (2016). The worst was how he delivered “Long live the king!” like he thought it was dumb to say. I know some have said Scar in the original loses interest after taking over (which I agree with to an extent), but he’s at that level for me when he first pops up.

The Lion King (2019) proves technology has come a long way, but it should have been used for a completely different project. I respect what Jon Favreau was trying to accomplish, and kudos for not doing a shot-for-shot remake, but the changes that were made just felt unnecessary, and its harder to relate to barely emoting characters. This is the third Disney remake this year, after Aladdin (2019) and Tim Burton’s Dumbo, and we still have two more to go, and I’ve felt like I’m repeating myself over and over again. I’m sick and tired of getting the same mediocre recreation of something that was fondly remembered to begin with, and it feels really insulting.

Rating: C-

Spider-Man: Far From Home

Spider-Man: Far From Home is directed once again by Jon Watts, and is the 23rd film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and conclusion to their official “Phase 3.” After the events of Infinity War and Endgame, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) and his friends go on a European vacation, taking a break from the superhero gig. However, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) has other plans, as Quentin Beck aka Mysterio (Jake Gyllenhaal) asks for help taking on these elemental monsters that need the help of a friendly neighborhood hero.

I made no secret when I said I was not a fan of Spider-Man: Homecoming, and I stand by that. The script by John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein (for the most part, since it had SIX writers total) was an absolute mess that tried to satisfy all these different criteria, but all it ended up doing was make me hate most of these characters and the dialogue they shared. The only two people who felt consistent were Robert Downey Jr. returning as Tony Stark and Michael Keaton as the Vulture, the latter because he was the only character this film brought. Not to mention, I thought the action and camera work kind of sucked, and there wasn’t really any weight to the fight scenes. Comparing this film to the rest of the MCU, or even previous Spider-Man movies, this felt like a huge step backwards. And that’s not to say I don’t like Tom Holland, because I agree he is awesome as Spidey...when he’s directed by the Russo Brothers

A sequel was inevitable (no pun intended), and there was good news and bad news to it: the bad news was that Jon Watts and Amy Pascal would return to direct and produce, but the good news was that Daley and Goldstein did not; so the entire script was left to Chris McKenna and Eric Sommers. Coming out a couple months after Endgame though, especially after what transpires if you haven’t seen it, was a bit infuriating, because that kind of tells me “oh, Spider-Man comes back...guess I won’t worry about him.” It felt like Marvel was repeating the same move they did with the Ant-Man movies, where they’re fine, but could have benefitted from NOT coming after an Avengers film; or heck, one of the reasons The Incredible Hulk didn’t succeed as well, was because it was released too close to Iron Man for anyone to truly care. I could even argue how in my mind, Homecoming had the same fate, coming after Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2, which was a much more exciting film if you ask me.

Despite my naggings, I went in hoping to see, not a great film, but at least a decent flick to cap off this phase; while I will admit this was a big step up from Homecoming, having an enjoyable third act, as well as the first post-credits scene, Spider-Man: Far From Home is unfortunately the second time the web-slinger’s second solo adventure in the MCU falls flat. The comedy isn’t as annoyingly pushed as it was in the previous film, but now it comes off as low energy and not really jokes at all. The only joke I laughed at was when Happy confessed he loves Aunt May.

One of the biggest problems I’ve been hearing about most of the MCU, since Age of Ultron, was how there was a lack of director creativity; hearing about the stories that Joss Whedon and especially Edgar Wright had told, with how Disney and Marvel have been screwing them over for a bigger project, has tainted my feelings toward the studio. This movie is guilty of feeling just as generic as Ant-Man and Captain Marvel, where it doesn’t feel like someone was actually passionate about this, and was just making this for a pay-check. Even in the action scenes, aside from that climax in London, felt like the same web slings we saw Peter do prior in Homecoming.

While I wasn’t as annoyed by them, I still couldn’t care about the supporting cast: the teachers (Martin Starr and J. B. Smooth), Ned Leeds (Jacob Batalon), Flash Thompson (Tony Revelori, Dope and The Grand Budapest Hotel), Betty Brant (Angourie Rice, The Nice Guys) May and Happy (Marisa Tomei and Jon Favreau), even Nick Fury and Maria Hill; they don’t really have much to do in the film, except either be saved when the time comes or show up when most convenient. The only one who I felt improved a bit was M.J. (Zendaya). There’s more of her and Tom Holland working off of each other, and that was nice to see some chemistry build between those two; what I don’t get is why she was called Michelle Jones in the last film, which by the way, no one calls her by that in this film.

The big upside I can give is the hero and villain; Tom Holland is still great as Spider-Man. Despite being younger, Holland has had plenty of time for his Peter to truly evolve, not only from the perspective of an up and coming hero, but as someone who came back from the dead, you get why he would want a break from the ordeal; he’s as smart and traumatized as Tony, and as trapped in this hero cycle as Cap was. The absence of Tony has also put a lot of weight on his shoulders, since he was the one he entrusted to becoming an Avenger, and hopefully carrying the torch he passed him; since the events of Endgame, Peter has had to make that difficult choice between his own size of heroics or take on the rest of the world as he is.

Interesting fact: Gyllenhaal was actually going to replace Tobey Maguire for Spider-Man 2, nearly breaking his back working on Seabiscuit. Not only that, but Mysterio was planned for Sam Raimi’s now-cancelled Spider-Man 4, and was going to be played by Bruce Campbell, bring his cameos in those films full circle. Still, Gyllenhall nails it out of the park and truly sells the con-man schtick nicely; much like the Scarecrow to Batman, Mysterio to Spider-Man brings the distorted reality. I just wish the script didn’t act like we didn’t know who or what kind of character Mysterio was; especially with the marketing barely mentioning it.

Not to give away the post & end credits scenes, but I would say the first one is the only one you’d need to see; I was reading articles about how it was the most risque ending since the first Iron Man, and now I completely understand why. However, the second one doesn’t really show what we don’t already know; part of me was hoping it would be about a live-action Spider-Verse like Holland was asking about, but all I felt was that clip of Hawkeye in the rain: “Don’t give me hope.”

While an improvement from the last one, Spider-Man: Far From Home is yet another studio manufactured product from Marvel that’s just dull. Tom Holland and Jake Gyllenhaal are great, but they only truly shine in the third act; the comedy is dull, the action is okay at best, but the story is so cliche and predictable, that it’s hard to even talk about. 

Rating: C-

Toy Story 4

Toy Story 4 is directed by Josh Cooley, and is the fourth installment of the foundation franchise for Pixar. Just as the toys are about to set off on a road trip, their new owner, Bonnie (Madeline McGraw), makes a toy out of a spork, named Forky (Tony Hale); unfortunately, HE’S not too keen on the idea, and only wishes to be thrown away. While helping him realize his purpose in life, Woody (Tom Hanks) reunites with Bo Peep (Annie Potts) on a rescue mission, all while questioning what his own life is worth.

I’m among those people who were hoping this movie didn’t happen, mostly out of fear that it would not live up to the previous three movies. Toy Story was the first major hit for Pixar, earning both massive critical and financial success, to even becoming the first animated film nominated for a Best Screenplay Oscar; it was a revolutionary film, and for a story about toys coming to life, it worked. Toy Story 2 was just as big a gamble that had twice the success; originally planned for direct-to-video, the team was confident in the project making it to theaters, despite going through redo after redo and several delays. We got to see these characters develop further, realize more of the dilemma they face later in life, and also debate whether fame is worth it for family. By the time we got to Toy Story 3, it was a bit risky to see if these characters could still connect with us as before, especially after Pixar had a decade of films to work off of; thankfully, it surpassed almost all expectations, and rightfully sits next to Beauty and the Beast and Pixar’s prior feature, Up, among the only animated films nominated for Best Picture.

With how three films wrapped the story together so nicely, I didn’t see the need to make a fourth film at all. John Lassetter, one of the founding fathers at Pixar and co-creators of Toy Story, admitted in interviews that the only way a fourth film could ever happen is if they got the story right; in fact, when my brother visited Pixar Studios in 2014, when Lassetter was still directing it, he overheard the team say they had finished this movie by then, but were then told to start all over. The perfection towards this film even went as far as to affect their other films, such as Incredibles 2, which this film switched release dates with; Brad Bird has expressed in interviews that he lost a year of production on his film, due to the schedule change, and it’s made him hesitant on when he’ll come back for another film by the studio. 

It was a little bizarre going into this movie, because even with the kinds of ideas this film wanted to do with this world, I was still hesitant on whether this should have happened. However, after letting it sink in for a few weeks, I can safely say, the team does it again. With each passing Pixar film, the animation only gets better and this film is no exception; the details on each of the toys is perfectly realized, the outdoor scenes are absolutely gorgeous, but the antique store is where I was mesmerized; from the porcelain nick-nacks, reflective metal, and even to the cat that roams around, it was so beautiful looking. It’s especially fitting, when this film and the previous film start and bookend the decade of progress. 

I was especially pleased with the character of Gabby Gabby (Christina Hendricks), who grows a particular interest in Woody, due to both sharing generational makings. Not to give away spoilers, but Disney over the years has been abusing the twist villain trope way too often, and has often affected the credibility of most of their films that I still rather enjoy (Frozen, Zootopia, Coco, Incredibles 2); it’s a cliche that’s really becoming too common, especially with Disney. Thankfully, that wasn't the case with Gabby Gabby, as her story while intentionally selfish, still manages to draw in empathy to anyone who tries to MAKE ourselves perfect for other people, and Christina Hendricks brought a perfect balance of that to her performance.

A lot of the new cast members are a delightful addition to the crew. Keanu Reeves as Duke Kaboom, this 70’s Kenivel toy; Keagan Michael-Key and Jordan Peele as a pair of stuffed animals that follow Buzz (Tim Allen) around; and Ally Maki as this “Polly Pocket” cop, all manage to leave a good impression on you, and even when they mess up, it never felt like they weren’t useful. The only downside is that the film seems to put the rest of the cast aside. I understood the reason for some characters, such as Mr. Potato Head, whose voice actor, the great Don Rickles, passed away in 2017 before recording even began, but after the previous two films of being more involved, to see Jessie (Joan Cusack), Slinky (Blake Clark, formerly Jim Varney), Rex (Wallace Shawn), or the rest get sidelined, was a little disappointing. I mean, the whole bit with the Unicorn trying to get Bonnie’s dad arrested was so out of nowhere, I wanted to know what prompted him to resent the guy. Also, the bit with the RV, while I was laughing, did seem a little far fetched. 

Although, I get the intention, considering this is more of Woody and Bo’s story; the time gap between them shows a great sense of progress that can come from going solo, contrasting against Woody’s one-track lifestyle of a toy. He’s lived his life as the alpha dog with Andy, and now that he’s living with a little girl of a younger generation, there comes that conflict that Jessie went through and warned Woody was going to happen; so much like how Forky questions his purpose existing, Woody’s able to learn from Bo about what his purpose is, now that Bonnie doesn’t play with him as often anymore. And while people are divided with how he deals with Gabby, I found it a very fitting move to bring Woody full circle.

Much like with Toy Story 3, the ending is a reminder about how we all need to grow up eventually, but this is especially geared toward adult fans who pester the Hollywood business. As someone who’s become burnt out with sequels and continuations of all kinds, it feels as though this movie is trying to say “you can’t keep living in the past forever.'' And with this being a generation so hooked on nostalgia, that’s something important we really need to do.

Toy Story 4 is another solid hit from Pixar in their flagship franchise, and Josh Cooley did a great job directing this. Not to mention, the writing is deeply moving, with some clever dialogue by Andrew Stanton and Stephany Folsom, it’s also one of the funniest movies I’ve seen this year. There wasn’t a moment where I didn’t feel emotional, but I do hope this is the last one; with how emotional Tim Allen and Tom Hanks got recording it, it’s easy to say that even they would probably want this to be the last.

Rating: A

Aladdin (2019)

Aladdin is the newest live action remake of an animated classic, directed and co-written by Guy Ritchie. This retells the tale of a street urchin, Aladdin (Mena Massoud), who desires to capture the love of Agrabah’s princess, Jasmine (Naomi Scott); from the request of the vizier, Jafar (Marwan Kenzari), he finds a magic lamp that awakens a Genie (Will Smith) that will be able to grant three wishes of Aladdin’s choosing.

While in the past, I’ve had ups and downs about the recent Disney remakes coming out, Aladdin was one I was the most mixed about being done. The original film by Ron Clements and John Musker remains to be one of Disney’s most celebrated films; the brilliant music by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman (whom this was the last film he wrote music for), some of the clever and playful dialogue between characters, and the animation being absolutely lively, especially with the action scenes. Being the 31st animated film by the studio, as well as the first to follow up their BEST PICTURE NOMINEE Beauty and the Beast, a lot was riding on this film living up to that hype in some way. And it did, by becoming the first film Disney made to spawn a franchise afterwards, leading to two more films (albeit direct-to-video) and a tv series that expands on the Arabian Nights lore.

The idea of a remake wasn’t too far fetched, since there was more to expand on, but that didn’t exactly mean it was going to be easy. And going into this, I was hoping that if they played their cards right, this could actually be more beneficial to Disney than they thought...sadly, they had different intentions.

Starting off with the positives, the set design and production look great; Agrabah was not only given a more grounded design, but not too much to where it doesn’t stand out. I also liked how some scenes are actually shot out in the desert, and not just mostly blue screen; and the look of the Cave of Wonders is pretty. Some of the action scenes and cinematography are exciting as well, especially with Aladdin’s maneuvering; you can definitely see where Disney knew Guy Ritchie would do best, when hiring him, because he gets the thief skills down. Unfortunately, that’s mostly I can say that worked.

For the most part, the acting felt very wooden, especially from our main leads. Mena Massoud and Naomi Scott look absolutely bored to be there. Even when they’re reciting the dialogue from the original script, or bringing the new lines to life with the same tone and inflection as Scott Weigner and Linda Larkin, it didn’t seem like their hearts were in it. Naomi Scott was great in the 2017 Power Rangers, and to see this film underutilize her was really frustrating to watch, especially with what they did to Jasmine’s character; on one hand, they made her want to be sultan, but then made her scared of pole vaulting, when the animated version had no problem with that (these remakes keep sacrificing one trait, to emphasize another already there).

The worst of all was Jafar; Marwan Kenzari, I’m sure he did his best, was completely miscast here. The details on him being a thief like Aladdin and bargaining at his level rather than disguise, I thought that was clever, but he played this way too straight forward and too low energy. They even made him dumber by getting bamboozled by nearly EVERYONE in the film; heck, after gaining magic abilities, he doesn’t even use them until minutes after he gets tricked by Jasmine (She jumps off the balcony, and yet he doesn’t stop her?!). His parrot, Iago, has been subdued from the talkative type Gilbert Gottfried played him as, which is either going to relieve people, or annoy them; Iago is actually my favorite villain sidekick, so it was upsetting to see his role downplayed, especially when Alan Tudyk was cast in the role. Come on, at least Luke Evans and Josh Gad had fun with Beauty and the Beast.

A complaint I often hear about the original from critics against it, is that it doesn’t pick up until the Genie comes in, and that was actually my complaint with this movie. One of the biggest concerns had with this movie was with how the Genie would be handled. This was a character created especially for its original actor, the late-great Robin Williams, a comedy legend and master improviser (in fact, that improvisation is actually what cost Disney their chance for a Best Adapted Screenplay nomination), and since then, no one has been able to match his performance; not Dan Castellaneta, not Jim Meskimen (the actor currently voicing him), heck not even Williams when he came back for King of Thieves could recreate that lightning in a bottle. To Will Smith’s credit, he doesn’t try to mimic Williams’s performance the way Castellaneta did; he plays him less like the funny-buddy, and more like his character from Hitch, which does play off nicely with the rest of the film. They also give him a romance with Nasim Pedard as Jasmine’s handmaid, and there are one or two moments are a nice homage to Williams, especially in the beginning where he’s telling the story.

The worst part about this movie is, aside from “Friend Like Me” which was given a surprisingly decent hip-hop flare, all the singing in this movie is garbage; in fact, all I could hear every time someone tried to sing, was the sound of Howard Ashman rolling in his grave. Right from when Will Smith begins “Arabian Nights”, I knew right then something (or someone) was off. I know Will Smith has had a long music career, but rap is a completely different style than Disney Showtunes; not everyone who has a career in music is fit for every genre. This also has a similar problem I had with Beauty and the Beast, where they added a new song or two that completely mess with the pace of the movie. Here, it’s a little worse, because the new song they give Jasmine is completely unnecessary and should have been cut from the film; it doesn’t add anything to her character, doesn’t change anything from the story, and it just makes her come off as bratty (and that song was written by Pasek and Paul).

As much as I do get why Disney went with Guy Ritchie, his quick and grimey style of filmmaking for works like Sherlock Holmes or Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels just didn’t seem to mesh well with this kind of dialogue. The original film’s script was written by Terry Russio and Ted Elliot, who later adapted The Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy directed by Gore Verbinski; in my mind, Verbinski would have been a better fit, since Pirates of the Caribbean had the same kind of fun tale of thieves vibe both films are known for. Ritchie’s style just comes off as too plain, and even when it does try to pop, it feels generic. Not to give away the ending (although, nearly everyone knows how it ends, if you’ve seen the movie or played Kingdom Hearts), but this is my biggest nitpick: of all the remakes Disney could give a sequel to, why give it to the two worst ones Alice in Wonderland and Maleficent, yet drop the ball with this? It’s not like they don’t have the money to pay Will Smith to come back as Genie.

Aladdin isn’t the worst remake Disney’s put out, but it was a bigger disappointment than expected. I wanted this to prove me wrong and be amazing, and it does pick up a bit when Will Smith enters as Genie; but with the lackluster singing, wooden performances, and a story being dragged the whole way through, I just don’t see how I could recommend this to anyone unless you have literally nothing better to do. This is another one of those films, where the more I think about it, the worse it gets.

Rating: D+

Men In Black: International

MIB International is the fourth installment of the Men in Black film series, this time directed by F. Gary Gray, and starring Tessa Thompson and Chris Hemsworth. As a kid, Molly Wright witnesses the MIB wipe her parents' memories, and makes it her mission to join them. As the new Agent M-in training, she’s sent to London to help Agent H take out a threat he dealt with years ago, but never destroyed.

When the first Men in Black came out, it was not only a major hit, but it was one of the most unique films to come out at the time. While it does stray away a little from the comic books it came from, it still manages to be a captivating film with its intriguing concept, stylistic action scenes, and very quotable dialogue (not bad, considering the screenwriter’s last film was The Super Mario Bros. Movie). Not to mention, it was Will Smith’s third successful blockbuster in a row, that propelled him into superstardom, and it spawned an animated series that borrows more from the comics; it was pretty much that generation’s Ghostbusters.

Despite the unlimited possibilities, it felt like the movies didn’t know where else to go themselves, other than recycling elements from the first film. Men in Black II was meh, and while I’m one of those few that really loved Men in Black 3, especially since it got Will Smith out of an acting hiatus, even I can admit it does repeat elements. Barry Sonnenfield was the director for all three of these films, and while I applaud them for being consistent with directors, after seeing the versatility that the MCU has had, it does make me wish someone else was given a shot at this. My wish was partially granted, in the form of two in-universe spin-offs: One of them being a now-cancelled crossover with Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill’s 21 Jump Street films...that was going to be a thing; the other was a soft reboot/sequel with a female lead (because that worked SO WELL with audiences when Amy Pascal’s Ghostbusters did that, and that too had Chris Hemsworth as a dopey hunk).

While MIB International has more polish and finished feeling to it, this movie ended up having a lot of the same problems I had with Dark Phoenix, in that it’s another sequel that’s just going through the motions without any heart behind it. It isn’t as bad as Dark Phoenix, but it’s hard not to bring up comparisons, being that it’s another comic book movie with a female lead and rips off Invasion of the Body Snatchers (the third one this year, no less). What’s interesting was that Dark Phoenix had reshoots because the aliens were too similar to Captain Marvel, yet someone forgot to tell Sony about that with their film. And there is a twist villain, but you can already find out in the first five minutes of the movie (were you even trying, editor?).

Tessa Thompson and Chris Hemsworth do their best as M and H, but they hardly have any chemistry. Thompson is this MIB fangirl that claims to be a smart, strong, and capable protagonist, but they don’t give her anything to showcase that, or have anything new to bring; just because you have an actress that can kick ass and say politically correct things, doesn’t mean you can’t make her at least somewhat interesting. Chris Hemsworth, like I said, was just playing another dopey hunk; he’s not as dumb as he was in Ghostbusters, but when he throws quips, he feels like he’s trying to be the Will Smith funny man and just comes off as obnoxious. With how he’s been playing this persona throughout most of his career this decade, part of me wants to believe that had something to do with him taking an acting break, at least until Guardians Vol. 3.

Emma Thompson reprises her role as Agent O, the new commander that took over for Rip Torn’s Agent Zed from the first two movies, and is the only connection to the original trilogy present; however, she only appears in the beginning and the end of the movie, being there just to get Tessa Thompson into the story. She could have been completely written out of the movie, and it wouldn’t make a difference. This also applies to Kumail Nanjiani as Pawny, who is only there to get kids in the audience; he has no real purpose to serve in this film at all, and they don’t even give him anything funny to say or do. He hardly does anything, and when he does, he fucks up and leaves everything to Thompson and Hemsworth, it begs the question why bother having him there? Or better yet, why was Frank the Pug in this movie; didn’t they retire his character after the actual dog died?

The action scenes are fine, but I never got invested because of the biggest problem I have with this movie, which has also been a recurring problem that I’m starting to notice more: the pacing is way too fast. Every year, it feels like most movies believe the audiences' attention spans are getting shorter and shorter, so they’re trying to get all this information out to you, in the hopes that it’ll get you on board and ask questions later. Heck, the movie doesn’t even know how to start itself; it opens with a flashback to H and High-T (Liam Neeson) where, like I said, they pretty much gave away who the villain is, only to end and cut to 1996 where we see Molly as a kid, and then to her looking for work at MIB without saying it out loud. Also, for a film that’s supposed to be about an underground organization that’s supposed to remain in secret, they have a lot more out of the open incidents that they CLEARLY did not think about; they had a chase scene through an entire middle eastern village, and it’s so obvious that not all of them were neuralysed.

Ever since Disney bought Fox, now having reigns over 60% of the competition put out in theaters, Sony has felt intimidated and afraid they’re going to get swept up and bought out, so their solution is to try and make their own cinematic universe franchise. However, the only one that had a chance of putting some challenge against Disney was Warner Bros with the DCEU, but look how THAT turned out; since then, they’ve decided to do one-shot projects, at least until they can get someone who knows what the hell they want to do with these characters properly.

MIB International is yet another one of 2019’s biggest lacklusters; another studio mandated assignment, to keep the rights to a franchise nobody cares about anymore, and make a buck off a film nobody asked for. While it feels a little more polished and complete than Dark Phoenix, that’s like comparing lemon custard doughnuts to plain glazed doughnuts; just because one has more to it than the other, doesn’t make it good for you. As much as I love Tessa Thompson and Chris Hemsworth, you’re better off just rewatching Thor Ragnarok again. At least this film kept Danny Eflman's theme score...

Rating: D

Dark Phoenix - Worst X-Men Movie?

Dark Phoenix is written and directed by Simon Kinberg (in his directorial debut), and the twelfth film in the X-Men Fox Saga. It’s now 1992, and on their first space rescue mission, Jean Grey absorbs a solar flare that causes her powers to skyrocket, becoming known as “the Phoenix”. However, as she’s becoming unstable with this power and losing her trust in the X-Men, all while now becoming a target by the world and especially the alien race, the D’Bari, led by Vuk.

The Dark Phoenix Saga is regarded by many fans as debatably the best and one of the most important storylines in the X-Men comics, but so far the only adaptation that’s been the most faithful has been from X-Men: The Animated Series. I’m not just saying this because they able to take their time with telling this story arc in their series and flesh out the character development, but every other attempt to adapt this storyline (both movies AND tv) ended up being swept under its feet. For example, every later X-Men cartoon that was going to do it, ended up getting cancelled after the show ends on a cliffhanger. This also isn’t the first time that Fox has attempted to adapt The Dark Phoenix Saga as it became a major plotline in X-Men: The Last Stand; however, after multiple crew members left (including director Bryan Singer and the writing staff), Fox brought on Brett Ratner, Zak Penn, and Simon Kinberg, to adapt the storyline built for Jean and muddle it into this plot about a cure for mutants and killing off characters out of nowhere; along with behind-the-scenes controversy that occurred with Brett Ratner’s behavior on set, it not only damaged the reputation of the films, but the X-Men franchise in general. I was ten when I saw that film in theatres, and while I liked it at the time, I could still at least tell something was off about it.

After Bryan Singer came back with X-Men: Days of Future Past, fixing a lot of problems people had, it was short lived after X-Men: Apocalypse, due to the studio wanting to do redo Dark Phoenix instead of doing Mister Sinister (who had been built up since X-Men: First Class and was going to be introduced in The New Mutants played by Jon Hamm. Instead, writer Simon Kinberg was given the task as director, at the request of main cast members. Yeah, because the guy who co-wrote Fant4stic and Mr. & Mrs. Smith is CLEARLY the right person to give a second chance to on such a massive story arc.

Through months of reshoots, including a rewrite of the whole third act, and several last minute delays, the film has finally made its release to the public...and it was one of the most depressing film experiences I’ve ever had. This is such a soulless movie, and by that, I mean there isn’t a drop of enthusiasm or interest to be had with what’s going on. Hell, even the credits don’t even make an attempt to hype you up or anticipate some dread into you.

Once again, the biggest problem is that this film doesn’t properly represent the themes of the original story. The struggle of Jean tapping into this hidden power and keeping it under control is slightly represented, but then she’ll suddenly act like she’s mastered this new found power she has, completely out of nowhere. It also retcons the whole climax of X-Men: Apocalypse, when she ALREADY has the Phoenix Force power, but suddenly it’s a completely separate entity that Jean absorbs apparently. I also found out this film’s original third act was redone, because it was too similar to Captain Marvel’s, and while the train fight sequence does look cool, you can tell this belonged to a completely different movie; it was like a sudden jump in quality from average filmmaking to above average.

Most of the dialogue is downright awful, and feels like it was written to kind of trigger people, like Mystique yelling at Charles that it should be “X-Women” after Jean did all the saving; or how most of these characters talking about what this all means for mutant kind, and it just comes off as laughable. Even with the level of talent in the cast, they don’t look the least bit happy to be there. James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Nicholas Hoult; after having to play these characters and have them relearn and say the morals they’ve been preaching since 2011 when they did First Class, I don’t blame them for not wanting to be there anymore, but it doesn’t make me interested to watch them either. Even later members from like Tye Sheridan, Evan Peters, and Alexandra Shipp didn’t seem that hopeful about it. Jessica Chastain as the villain, Vuk, you could have cut her out of the movie and it wouldn’t have made a difference. Apparently, Chastain’s character was supposed to be like Ben Mendlesohn’s Skrull character, but due to the reshoots or because Fox didn’t do their research, she now comes off like Sofia Boutella’s character in The Mummy.

This brings me to Sophie Turner in the titular role, and the reason I bring her up last is because she leaves the least impactful impression on me. The script has her go through the same repetitive mood swings: Jean goes for help, she’s turned away, someone shows up looking for her, she loses her cool, runs away crying. After the third time, it becomes apparent they didn’t know how to actually write this character or this arc at all, even if this WAS two films. With this being the second time Kinberg has attempted to adapt this story, it’s even more frustrating because he clearly doesn’t know how to adapt this storyline properly. Originally, they were supposed to be building up to Mister Sinister, who was actually going to be revealed in The New Mutants played by Jon Hamm; but due to them delaying it to plan a series, as well as Simon Kinberg taking over the next main X-Men and try to build another multi-part story that has to be sanded down to one film due to changes in management, Fox just ended up shooting themselves in the foot for like the fourth or fifth time.

For a series that managed to stay relevant for twenty years, despite its flubs, the X-Men Film Saga has had both the best and worst examples of comic book movies, and this one falls under the latter. Much like Justice League and Spiderman 3, this was a finale that had too much crammed in and bit off more than it could chew; whether this came before or after Avengers Endgame, this film was already the final nail in the coffin for not just the X-Men Film Saga, but 20th Century Fox as a company all together. To end this off, allow me to quote T.S. Eliot: “The world ends/Not with a bang, but a whimper.” And that “whimper” is Dark Phoenix.

Rating: F